Intersection
by PeachyKeen83
Summary: "The crowd parted slightly and he came into full view, every bit as built and chiseled as I remembered. And there was a lot to remember. The sex, the fighting, the end. James Cook was an integral part of my life that had suddenly evaporated into thin air the moment we had both lost Freddie." A mixture of Skins Fire and Rise.
1. One Look

**AN:** _I don't know where all this is coming from, I only know I loved the show and these two were my favourite. Please read and review._

 **Intersection**

" _Every doorway, every intersection, has a story."_

Katherine Dunn

 **~x-X-x~**

 **Chapter 1: One Look**

 _The thrill_. That was why I did it. That is why I still do it, knowing that it's wrong. Knowing that at any minute I could fall down the thousand steps of hell and be plunged into a cell, the key stored away for god knows how long. And yet, I cannot convince myself to stop. Who would want to? Who, in their right damn mind, would stop the one thing that made them feel so good? _So powerful?_ _ **So in control?**_

He threw the papers down on my desk and sat on the edge, a confused look on his face as he stared down at me. Usually he would never notice me, despite the fact that my twenty-one years of youth sat perfectly in his ideal female age bracket. It was probably the reason why my former supervisor, Victoria, had left. So here Jake Abassi sat – _my boss_ – on the edge of my desk waiting for me to tell him how I had managed to secure one million pounds of profit for our hedge fund.

"Miss Stonem," he smiled then, oozing obvious charm. Something tingled inside me but I squashed it, not prepared to give away all my cards. I had learned a long time ago to keep my heart as guarded as Buckingham Palace. "How did you know?"

I smiled at him then, a seductive moved I had managed to excel at since the age of fourteen when my brother's friends would pop around. An image of Chris parading through my parent's front door floated across my mind and I closed my eyes for a second, his image changing into that of Freddie.

All the ones we had somehow lost along the way.

No, not today. _He would not cross my mind today._

"I made a call," I replied, looking up at him with my chocolate eyes and smiling once more. He was curious about me, that much was obvious. As he bit down on his lower lip in contemplation, I felt like I could literally hear his brain ticking over as he processed my answer. I dared not move in my seat, not wanting to show any sign of weakness. I silently cursed myself for wearing the blue and beige dress Naomi had thrown at me that morning.

"Well," Jake announced, sliding off my desk and standing upright over me. Leaning over, his hands rested on the arms of my office chair, slightly pulling me in so that there was little more than thirty centimeters between us. He was so close I could smell his cologne.

"It was a good call."

He lingered for a moment and looked in my eyes, daring me to give something away. I didn't, choosing to smile innocently instead whilst titling my head to the side. My brain whirled with all the ways I could make this job a new start in my life. With Victoria now gone, I could really show this company – this man – what I was made of.

I just had to get him to notice me.

"See you tomorrow then, Miss Stonem," Jake smiled, sliding off my chair and heading for the door. He pulled the glass closed behind him and walked back towards his office, but not before turning around and sending me one last ominous and flirty look.

 _Mission accomplished._

The phone erupted to life beside me, stirring me from my thoughts and bringing me back to reality. Reaching out for the phone, I pulled the cold receiver to my ear and looked out at the dreary evening that was falling around the city outside.

"Effy Stonem," I spoke officially, my voice a velvety-smooth concoction of business and charm. "How may I help you?"

"Have dinner with me," came the nonchalant reply, the masculine voice on the end of the receiver so painfully obvious it threatened to bring a smile to my lips. I looked up from my desk, a pair of dark eyes landing on me as Jake smiled from his own private office. He was leaning back in his chair and swinging gently from side-to-side, his confidence more than obvious.

And somewhat appealing, if I were to be honest with myself.

"Can't," I replied casually, as if the very suggestion was no more than a blip on my radar. "I have plans."

"Cancel them," he demanded, although his voice was nothing more than that of a purring pussycat. "Have dinner with me."

I leaned back into the comfort of my own, less expensive office chair and sighed into the receiver, unsure what to do. The truth was, I did have plans and they were the only thing that allowed me to keep my sanity in the world I lived it. Somewhere along the way I had begun to lose pieces of myself and I never wanted to return to that place. The darkness, as I liked to call it, could kiss my arse. I wasn't going to let it back in and wreak havoc in my already fragile mind. So although he was more than enticing, he wasn't worth more than my sanity.

That was the most precious thing in the world to me and tonight was my night.

"Thank you for the offer, Mr Abassi," I replied, standing to my feet and leaning over my desk. I could feel the soft tendrils of my loose chocolate curls dancing over my shoulders and I instinctively knew I was looking fabulous. Somehow, this one afternoon had managed to ignite my passionate side that had long since lain dormant. "But with respect, I must decline. Perhaps another time."

Jake raised his eyebrows in surprise, clearly not used to being reject and to be honest, he gave himself away to me in that very moment. I knew, right then and there, that he was intrigued by me and I felt a rush course through my entire body. It was a dangerous game, flirting with the boss, but I had always loved games. They were the glue that held me together before the darkness came.

 _Before Freddie_.

"Well I'm afraid the offer may no longer be there," Jake replied, sighing into the receiver as he leaned over his desk and sent me a wayward, charismatic smile. "But you have yourself a good night, Miss Stonem."

He hung up the phone then, turning his gaze away from me and upon whatever was scrawled over the pages that lay neatly stacked on his expensive, mahogany desk. I smiled in his direction although he wasn't looking at me and reached for my bag, sliding it over my thin, creamy shoulders and making my way out of my cubicle. My heels made no sound as they traipsed across the smooth office carpet and I smiled when I instinctively felt his gaze on me as I strode past his office. As I made my way to the elevator I stopped, biting my lower lip in contemplation as I turned on my heel. He looked up in surprise when I leaned against the doorframe of his office, my head tilted to the side as I smiled at him.

"I think we both know the offer will still be there."

I smiled as he grinned at me, nodding his head in acceptance as I turned on my heels and made my way back towards the elevator, my skin itching to get out of the dreary work clothes and into something infinitely more comfortable.

Infinitely, more Effy Stonem.

 **x~X~x**

The night air was cool and crisp and it felt like heaven on my burning skin. I could hear the music of the club before I had even turned the corner and my heart skipped a beat from the sound. Sweaty bodies glistened in the florescent light of the street lamps as they exited the side of the building, laughing and stumbling in drunken stupor. I smiled at the sight of them, feeling like I had come home to my family. _My people._

My irrevocably dented and broken little group of misfits and cretins; every bit as broken and damaged as me.

Standing on the edge of the crowd I raised my head and smiled at Ernie, the burly bouncer nodding his head as he saw me approach.

"Another late night then, Effy?"

"Another early morning," I replied, reaching into my clutch and pulling out a cigarette. He leaned forward and lit it for me, cupping his hands around the flame as if to shield it from the frosty night. He stared at my skin-tight black dress, the fabric sitting perfectly enough to leave little to the imagination.

"All that effort and yet you walk out of here alone every night," Ernie stated, shaking his head as if he didn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. "Do the London lads not do it for you or somfing?"

I smiled at the way his accent curled around his words, pulling back from his grip and allowing the smoke to fill my lungs. Yet another bad habit I couldn't break. I leaned up towards the glistening night sky and blew the white dust into the air, watching it ebb and flow around the stars.

"Dancing does it for me, Erns," I replied, pulling the cigarette to my mouth once more and inhaling. I blew this one out quickly, eager to get inside as the chill of the night air kissed my skin. "And vodka."

"Then by all means, love," he announced, moving to the side and pulling at the chord that blocked the entrance. "Don't let me stop ya."

I smiled appreciatively and made my way inside, the darkness enveloping me in its hold. I immediately felt the rush of familiar warmth of lights, smoke and booze-fueled bodies and the calmness invaded my entire being. Stepping forward, the red strobe light flashed across the sweaty bodies of the dancing crowd and I knew I was home. I stepped between their swaying hips and floating arms and found myself a spot on the dance floor, my eyes closing as the music enveloped me and influenced my body in a way no drug ever could. The floor felt sticky beneath my feet as my head tilted back, my flowing locks dusting my bare back with their soft tendrils. I closed my eyes and breathed it all in, the music picking up in beat and forcing my body to move.

 _This was my euphoria._ _ **This was my escape.**_

A hand brushed past me and I felt it touch my skin, a smile forming on my lips as I opened my eyes and gazed at the hand that as trying to wrap itself around my waist. He leaned in then, his face falling gently into my hair as I stared blankly ahead. I stepped out of the hold and swayed onwards, my own reverie the only thing that was on my mind in this particular moment. I gazed out over the crowd as the red lights soaked them in momentary flashes of luminance and I closed my eyes once more, feeling the calmness sink into my very being.

The light flashed over my eyes and I opened them again, my eyes landing on his body before I met his gaze. My heart stopped when I saw him, shirtless and sweaty and wrapped up in the arms of a shorter brunette as they attempted to dance to the beat of the club music. I stayed completely still as he turned, almost as if in slow motion, the girl stumbling with obvious drunkenness. His eyes locked onto me and he slowed down his swaying, the girl before him leaning into his shoulder as he looked out at me.

I could almost imagine what he was thinking. It was probably something similar to what was raging through my mind in that moment.

The crowd parted slightly and he came into full view, every bit as built and chiseled as I remembered. And there was a lot to remember. The sex, the fighting, _the end_. James Cook was an integral part of my life that had suddenly evaporated into thin air the moment we had both lost Freddie.

He stepped away from the girl trying desperately to dance with him then and moved towards me, my own instinct kicking in as I took a step back. He stopped, unsure of himself as we continued to gaze at each other. Flickers of florescent green splashed across his face and he opened his mouth, the word silently clear as the music drowned it out.

"Effs?"

I knew what it would have sounded like, the word burned into my memory. A lump formed in my throat and I panicked, feeling my mind race with a thousand thoughts all at once, I reached up and clasped at the side of my head, his eyes instantly filled with concern as he stepped forward again.

No. I wasn't going to do this. Not tonight.

I turned and ran, darting out through the bodies and pushing my way through the thickness that threatened to overcome me. My heart raced and ached at the same time, the rush of adrenalin coursing through my veins and urging me forward. I broke out into the night as the cool air rushed over me, a reprieve from the heavy, thick heat that threatened to overcome me within the club. Ernie looked at my in concern and then turned his gaze behind me as the doors sprang open again, Cook standing shirtless and leaning over as he tried desperately to get some air into his lungs.

"You always did like me chasing after you, Princess."

I turned and looked down at him, a small smile coming to his lips as he turned and looked up at me, his hands resting on his knees. I said nothing, my mind drawing a blank, unable to produce a coherent sentence. He stood up and looked at me, his eyes darting from me to the burly bodyguard that stood between us.

"This guy upsetting ya, Effy?"

Cook looked at me and waited for my reply, my hair dancing on my shoulders as I shook my head _no_. Ernie raised his hands and returned to his front door position, Cook stepping forward again as I raised my right hand to halt his advance.

"Come on, Princess," Cook replied, sniffing slightly as the cold chill of the night air touched his glistening skin. "You and I were always-"

"Fucked up?" I finished his sentence for him, an anger building within me as I looked at him. The memory of our last night together infiltrated my mind then, the dancing and singing and laughter in Freddie's back room suddenly rushing to the forefront of my mind. I desperately tried to push it back, unwilling to allow myself to feel the emotions that threatened to destroy me that night and every day after.

"Yeah," Cook acknowledge my reply, nodding his head as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He stuck one into his mouth and held the packet out to me, pulling it back towards him as I shook my head. The flame illuminated his face as he lit the stick hanging from his mouth, inhaling the smoke and blowing it out through the side of his mouth.

"I 'spose that's one way of describing us."

"That's the only way," I growled at him, pursing my lips together as he looked at me. He stayed silent then, pulling drag after drag from his cigarette until I could handle the silence no more. I shook my head angrily, titling my head to the side as I looked upon him with contempt.

"You left us."

"I had my reasons," he replied, turning colder than I had ever seen him turn before. Cook was disturbed and he had many reasons to hate the world considering everything he had been through, but he had always been a fighter. He had never given a fuck about anyone or anything before and I had expected no less of him when he had run away. Avoiding his jail term was pretty much a given. He hated authority and he hated to lose.

Even if it meant skipping his best friend's service.

"You left us," I said again, this time with more feeling behind it. "You gave up on us and you abandoned him when he needed you."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Cook replied, an anger rising in his voice as he spoke to me. It startled me a little but I held my ground, the anger within me refusing to allow me to back down. "You don't know nufin' about what I've been through."

"Did you know he didn't come home?" I asked him, pleading with him for some kind of answer. "He left me and then you left and then-"

"I never left _you_ , darlin'" Cook scoffed then, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stamping on it with his feet. "I avenged him."

The door sprung open behind him the and I gazed up to see the brunette that had danced with him in the club, the girl reaching out and sliding underneath his grip as Cook looked at me. Instinctively she felt the tension between us and looked at me curiously, her eyes darting between us as we looked at each other.

"Hey, you comin' back inside?"

I looked at him as he leaned down and kissed the top of her forehead, his eyes never leaving me. For a moment I could remember what it was like to be in that embrace, to feel as if nothing in the world would harm me. Now, all that was left was the memory and the pain of the person we had both lost.

"He is," I answered for him, turning on my heel and holding out my hand for the nearest cab to collect me. It came within seconds and I leaned into the window, announcing my address and sliding into the back seat. I closed the door behind me, eyes darting out at connecting with Cook's once more before he turned and pulled the brunette back into the club, the door swinging closed behind him.

 **x~X~x**

 **AN:** Please review, they mean the world to me. I never liked the way Skins Fire and Rise ended and so here I am trying to rectify the situation in my head. PLEASE let me know what you think xo


	2. Scattered Thoughts

**AN:** _I adore Cook and Naomi as characters. Skins: Fire hurt my heart – a lot._

 _Rise didn't do Cook justice._

 _I didn't hate them – but I didn't love them._

 _That's my reasoning for all of this._

 _Enjoy._

 **Intersection**

" _Every doorway, every intersection, has a story."_

Katherine Dunn

 **~x-X-x~**

 **Chapter 2: Scattered Thoughts**

 **Effy**

The cab pelted me through the now gloomy, darkened night, buildings whirling by in quick succession as I lay against the soft fabric of the back seat and closed my eyes. The light rain that began to sprinkle across the city sent sheets of clear liquid across my window. I twirled my finger through the chocolate curl that rested across my creamy, right shoulder and I tried desperately to allow my brain to take control of the thoughts that were threatening to take over my mind with warp speed, flickering and trembling and unrelenting. It was the only way I knew how to process confronting situations without completely losing myself all over again.

He left me. He left us. He abandoned Freddie. _He's a coward_.

I repeated the words over and over again to myself in a soft hushed whisper, as if somehow the sheer act alone would remove him from my memory. But every time I thought I had made some progress and James Cook had managed to reach the farthest parts of my mind, I heard his annoyingly obvious tone echo in my ears, envisioned his cockney smile and then instantly I was back to square one again.

" _You always liked me chasing you, didn't ya Princess?"_

I shuddered forward as the cab came to a complete stop, barely looking at the pounds as I threw them at the driver and shot my svelte legs out of the car and onto the sidewalk in front of my apartment. My hand dove into my bag and searched for the keys, the crisp night air dancing raindrops over my delicate skin as I plunged the metal into the lock and pushed the door forward. I ascended the stairs, taking one at a time and slowing as I reached the top, opening the front door to my apartment with quivering hands as the flickering light of the television illuminated the dark walls of my home. Throwing the keys onto the glass side stand, I walked into the living room and found Naomi sprawled across the couch, the television remote in her hand as she flicked through channels sporadically.

"Early night for you, Effs?"

I slid into the chair in front of her, lifting her legs up and allowing them to drop into my lap. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the soft padding of the sofa, feeling Naomi's eyes on me as she waited for my response. I knew the discussion was coming but I was barely able to process it myself. I chose to simply nod my head, unwilling to look at her. Pushing his words to the back of my mind in an attempt to eradicate them.

"Okay," she replied, shuffling her feet slightly on my lap and returning her attention back to the television. The best thing about Naomi was her ability to read every single mood of mine. It was a genius talent really, considering how many I had had in the time that we had known one-another.

" _I never left you, darlin'… I avenged him."_

 _Get out of my damn head._

The noise of the television before me blared out my thoughts and for that I was thankful, a few minutes flowing by before a phone buzzed to life beside her, Naomi reaching across and picking up the iPhone swiftly.

"Hey Ems, up a little late aren't you?"

I opened my eyes as I heard Naomi speak, a small smile coming to my lips as I watched her. No matter where I was in my life or what I was feeling in that moment in time, I could always watch Naomi and Emily and feel as though something good in the world still existed. The thought brought me back to a time where all I felt was pain and sorrow and all I had was Naomi and Emily. They were there when Cook disappeared. They were there when Tony moved to the other side of the world. They were there when the bloodied remains of Doctor Foster had been discovered and the police had traipsed around my hospital safe-haven, destroying it with their questions and lack of sympathy.

Most importantly, they had been there when the bloodied spatters that laced the walls of Doctor Foster's home had returned traces of Freddie's DNA and all I could do was mourn the boy I thought had left behind me because I was too much to take. It took a lot to piece me back together and Naomi had been the glue. So when the opportunity came to work in London and get my life on track, my ever-faithful friend jumped at the chance to reinvent herself in a bigger town and ' _shedding the skin of our wasted youth'_ as she had put it. Of course Emily had agreed, wanting nothing more than for the love of her life to do something that challenged her girlfriend as much as New York challenged herself. So Naomi had done it, packed her bags and headed for London with me and had continued to be the glue that kept me together.

She was always the stronger, more poetically-minded of the two of us.

"She's barely keeping it together," Naomi's voice cut through my thoughts and I turned to look at her mocking smile, her eyes widening as she looked at me. "You know Effs, never a dull moment and all that."

I threw her a small smile and leaned back into the couch, closing my eyes and waiting for the inevitable conversation of _"I love yous"_ and the overwhelming feeling of missing someone. Yet it never came, Naomi's yawn crashing into the phone conversation and causing Emily to shoo her off the line. The blonde relented, nodding her head as I felt her feet shift from my lap and slide onto the carpet below us. She dropped her phone onto the coffee table before us and nudged me, my eyes opening groggily and turning to look at her.

"Well, come on then."

"It's nothing," I replied, closing my eyes once more and swallowing hard. "Long day _and all that_."

She shoved at my side as I used her exact words back at her, her hand reaching forward and pulling out a cigarette from the packet that lay strewn across the table.

"Cut the bullshit, Effs," she breathed out slowly, the smoke filling the air around us as she pulled her legs up onto the couch and crossed them. "I know your face when you're tired and I know your face when you've got some shit going on in that warped head of yours so just cut through the red tape and lay it on me."

"The blood spatter," I breathed out, my eyes glazing over and staring at the television ahead. I could feel her sharp intake of air, Naomi instinctively dragging another breath of smoke into her lungs and gazing at me intently. "Freddie was sprayed across that wall."

I turned at looked at her, Naomi's eyes watching me curiously as she inhaled. She said nothing, her eyes trained on me, watching and waiting. The truth was, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was trying to process. Something was right there, gnawing at my mind like an annoying complex riddle.

Riddles drive me crazy and I couldn't afford to deal with crazy. Not now. Not when my life was back on track and somewhat normal.

"He hit Freddie, hard," I continued, shaking my head as my mind whirled with the information I had. "A blow to the head could have caused that, they said."

"Yeah," Naomi replied, leaning onto the back of the sofa with her right arm and propping her head against her outstretched hand. "They said that."

"Freddie's dead," I said the words again, for perhaps the millionth time since the even itself. Since my life and sanity threatened to take a nose-dive into oblivion.

"Yep," Naomi replied, her hand reaching out and clutching onto mine. I could feel the warmth of her cigarette and I reached out to take it, bringing the smoky haze to my lips and inhaling. It filled my lungs and I closed my eyes, feeling free and safe for the briefest of seconds.

"Sprayed," I repeated, handing the cigarette back to Naomi and looking at her with strained eyes. She stared at me, waiting for me to say something else. It was right there, burning a hole in my brain. Forcing itself on me.

"Doctor Foster killed Freddie," I stated out loud, Naomi leaning up and resting her hand on my leg as she searched my face for answers. It was becoming clear now, the pain and fear and abandonment. The memory of my files being taken away, of the rain skimming down my face as we scattered all that remained of the boy I had loved into the winds that raged around us – of the police telling me that when it came to Doctor Foster they had no leads and that they were sorry for my loss.

" _I never left you, darlin'… I avenged him."_

"Fuck," I breathed out, the air escaping my lungs as my breath picked up and my chest tightened. I felt the tears spring behind my eyes before I could even stop them and within a second Naomi was at my side, pulling me into her as she tried to comfort me. I felt her hand on my hair as she traipsed her fingers through it, soothing me the way she had been doing since the day my life had gone to shit. But today it wasn't working.

"Effs?"

Naomi said my name as a question, pulling me from her embrace and forcing me to look at her. The concern was etched all over her face and I didn't know what else to do. So I did what felt natural and took a deep breath, composing myself and pushing aside any emotion that tried to seep into me.

"I need a drink," I answered her, my voice stone cold and completely me. I wasn't doing this. I wasn't falling apart here. There was too much at stake. I was doing so well. I didn't need this in my life. Not now. Sometimes, you just have to walk away from it all.

I stood up and walked towards my refrigerator and yanked it open, Naomi's footsteps coming up behind me as I reached for the wine that lay opened inside the door. I pulled it out and poured a glass, taking a sip before I turned back to her and stared.

"What happened today?"

 _I committed insider trading. I was asked out by my boss. I went to the club to congregate with my emotionally-unstable people and freaks and I saw James Cook again._

 _I saw Freddie in every part of him and I shut down. I panicked. I felt my brain spiral._

"I missed him today," I replied flatly, taking another sip of the wine that sat in my hand. It went down smoothly but did little to dull the thoughts that raged in my mind. "That's all."

"Come," she said, reaching out and pulling at my hand. I didn't have the strength to deny her, the serenity of her hold pulling me in the direction of peace I always craved. Within seconds we were in her bedroom, Naomi pulling back the covers and throwing a t-shirt in my direction. We changed in silence and slid under the covers, the lights flickering out and plunging us both into darkness.

"I missed Ems today," Naomi replied, a long sigh escaping her lips as I felt her turn to face me on the pillow beside me. "We all miss our people. It's normal. Normal is _damaged at best_."

I smiled slightly, even though she couldn't see me. Even though my silence told her nothing of my appreciation for her words in that moment. Ever stoic and ever-supportive. She really was the strongest person I knew.

"Effs?" she asked me, her voice shaking slightly and forcing me to turn my head towards her.

"I think I need to see a doctor."

"Then I'll go with you," I replied, the blankets shuffling around us as I reached across and hugged her. She lay on her back and reached up for my arm, holding it to her as she breathed out slowly.

"Thanks," she breathed, the edginess in her voice still lingering as she spoke. "That'd be great."

"Sleep now," my voice was adamant, my will to forget this night ever happened coming over me like a forceful surge. I needed it to be done. I needed to go back to normal.

She was snoring before I'd even finished my last word.

 **x~X~x**

 **Cook**

I always said that the one thing I've learned is that there's no point in looking back at your past. You're not living there, so there's no point. I always thought when I left the town I'd called home my entire life that I'd never see it again. That somehow, with all the miles I'd travelled I would continue to push Bristol to the back of my mind and never think about it again.

Never think about the things I lost, or the people I loved. Never think about the moments that had somehow defined my life in ways no one could have ever anticipated. For me, Bristol was that distant memory I had to keep pushing into the darkest corners of my mind just so that I could survive.

Because that's what I was – _a survivor_.

I had somehow managed to find myself in Manchester, driving around and dealing for a drug lord name Louis. I didn't stop to think about what I was doing. I just knew this was the only way I could escape my troubles, even just for a little bit. I still feel the rawness of skin on my knuckles sometimes.

Escaping isn't always as easy of one might think.

But this is what my life had to be. _Inconspicuous and fast-paced_. I kept my head down and my mouth shut. So when my boss asked me to ferry around his bird, I didn't mind doing it. It was good you see, to work under the table. To fly under the radar or some shit. To be distracted by the lame boutique where Charlie tried on a ridiculous amount of dresses in the vain hope that maybe one might impress her boyfriend enough that she would feel special for a fleeting moment. _Because she wondered if she had something to prove_. I wondered if she knew her boyfriend was doubting her.

Fast-forward to now, present day. Present moment of my fucked up life. Sweaty bodies gyrated to the thumping music that permeated our ears and rang through the air like a sounding call. I could feel Emma pressed up against me, her head swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the music. She was a pretty little thing I had met at the local convenience stall one night after my run by. She'd bought from me a few times and she'd slept with me a few times. I was indifferent to it all really, unable to allow myself to feel anything real since the last time my heart got trampled on. I felt like she wanted more, but I was unable to give it. Her eyes partially opened as she slipped into her euphoria, no doubt accentuated from the pill she had thrown into her mouth a few minutes before. I could feel the drug pulse through my veins, burning into every nerve ending and electrifying my body. I knew this feeling and I loved it. My body began to move to the beats that surrounded me, the urge to rip off my shirt and throw it above my head too strong as I jumped about with the strangers who felt more like family to me than my own crappy father and mother combined.

Paddy flashed across my brain then. _I forced him out._

I turned my head for the briefest moment, Emma stuck in my chest as we swayed to the music and there she was. Cloaked in the black charcoal that had always reflected her personality of dark princess, Effy Stonem swayed gently to the music that surrounded her in the magical way that only she knew how. A lump creeped into my throat when she turned, her eyes landing on me with a mixture of shock and then panic.

"Effs?"

I stepped back from Emma and watched as the crowd parted before us, Effy doing exactly what Effy always did when it came to me.

 _She ran._

I don't know what came over me then but the urge to follow her was too strong. I weaved between the bodies that were now absent figures in my way. I brushed past the sweat and stupor and burst out into the coldness of the night

And I'd seen a lot.

 _I'd seen too many things._

I turned my head and stepped forward as the crowd parted, their bodies now the only obstacle between me and my peak. It was good being in this state, unable to feel. Where had feelings gotten me anyway? Loyalty was for fools, people always let you down. I was better on my own. I was safer on my own. Everyone else was safer when I was on my own.

Just ask John Foster. _Fucking dead cunt._

The minute he entered my thoughts I felt the twinge – where the pill stops working in your favour and turns your head against you. Your whole entire body reacts and your stomach's the next to go, the urge to vomit now taking over me as I strode across the warehouse floor and out into the cool night air. It came up then, every good feeling I was going to have that night spilling out my lips and onto the cement below.

"Oh shit!"

My words hit the atmosphere as I leaned over and spat out the remains of the filth in my mouth. It was a familiar feeling, yet one I hadn't experienced in a while.

"Ahhwww, bollocks."

The door slammed behind me and I heard footsteps, my breathing ragged as I tried to readjust myself to my surroundings. I could taste the disgusting bile that invaded my tongue and I wanted nothing more than to spit out every last bit of it.

"Oh, are you okay?"

She laughed slightly as she asked me and I half-turned in her direction, Emma moving slightly behind me as I stayed facing the gutter. There were little sparks of kindness that surrounded her and I hadn't felt that aimed in my direction for the longest time. I leaned one hand against the sandstone wall to my left and turned, my eyes half-closed as I tried to get my shit together.

"What was in that shit?"

"I'm fine," Emma sighed happily, head raised towards the sky as he body continued to sway from the urges to move within her. She chewed on the gum within her mouth and laughed as she fell deeper into her own ecstasy chase. "I'm trippin' my tits off but I'm fine."

Apparently the snow falling was the most amazing thing she had seen all night. I shivered from the chill of it all, my body trembling as I stood, half bent over.

"Yeah well," I spat out again, the taste of puke still stuck in my mouth. She turned and looked at me, as if finally noticing there was something else near her other than the perfect snow that fell from the sky.

"Who's that girl?"

I knew this tone. She had seen me watch Charlie and I knew what was coming next. I tried to make out like I had no idea what she was talking about even though I knew ultimately she was far too savvy for that.

It reminded me of someone.

"What girl?" I turned to look at her and her eyes were on me then, the smile she carried before having disappeared with the wonderment of the snow.

"You know who I mean." She stared at me then, her eyes relaying everything ounce of curiosity and slight jealousy she felt. I'd see that look before. I never liked what came next. "You kept looking at her."

"Don't worry about it," I replied, turning my head as my body shook from the bitter cold that surrounded it. As if on cue I spat out again, wanting desperately for the taste in my mouth to dissipate almost as quickly as I wanted this conversation to. She threw a jump at me then, the fabric hitting me square in the face as I ducked to grab it. It was a good distraction, my eyes never leaving it as I stretched it over my shivering body and waited for the inevitable onslaught of questions and paranoia that was bound to come charging my way at any second.

"Who is she?"

There it was again. _The obvious crap line of questioning_. The thing that always came my way and no matter how many times I'd been in this situation, somehow I still managed to fuck it up every single time.

"I said, don't worry about it."

How could I even possibly begin to explain to her the momentous fuckery that was Effy and me? Fucking hell, I couldn't even explain it to myself let alone try and explain it to an outsider. Someone who couldn't understand the enormity of it – of me and her – _of Freddie._ The second he flashed across my mind I felt a sharp pain gripping at my head and I called out in annoyed agony, my hand drifting up and hitting my forehead to signal the problem.

Emma looked anything other than impressed with me. I couldn't really blame her.

"Ahhwww shit," I continued, closing my eyes as the snow fell around me, dripping onto my neck and melting in cold submission. "Fucking hell, I've got a splitter."

"Alright," she answered, her eyes flashing between me and the road as she bounced slightly before me. "Wait here, I'll get ya some water."

She was gone before I could reply, my hand held tightly to my forehead as I spat out once more. Fuck this shit for a night. All I wanted right now was a fucking warm bed and a painkiller, preferably in the other order.

And all I wanted was for Effy _Fucking_ Stonem to get out of my head.

" _Get off me"_

" _Hey!"_

" _Fuck you!"_

The voices carried down the cold, dark alleyway, drawing my attention in the opposite direction.

" _Ahhh!"_

The last sound made me take note, the word out of my mouth before I could even stop it.

"Hello?"

I turned and stumbled towards the muffle cries, my eyes barely able to focus due to the splitting pain that etched its way across my brain. Yet the noises continued and I was never one to ignore shit, even when I should. I reached the end of the alleyway, the darkened street stretching out before me as I searched for the owner of the cries. They continued on in short bursts, my eyes scanning the best way I could. It was too fucking cold for this.

"Everthin' okay?"

Still nothing but muffled noises and cries answered my question and the road was fast losing any length it had left. _What the fuck was going on?_

I turned to my right and found a tiny carpark, the area darkened from the night sky and soaked from the flickering snow. I took one more step and they came into view, pressed up against the wall and trousers to the ground. He was in and out and she was loving it, the muffled cries that sounded like a cry for help clearly anything but.

"Oh my god," she screamed, her eyes landing on me and the bunny ploughed into her. I had to smirk, my boss getting one away with his Mrs. in the backend dirty streets behind the club. Then she panicked and the next words that fell from her lips showed me why.

"Jason! Jason stop! Jason!"

""Ahhwww, fuck!"

That was the bosses Mrs, but that wasn't the boss pounding her against the cold, brick wall of the alley. She pushed him off her and I turned away, his cry asking me to turn back as I heard the footsteps pound the pavement in fear behind me getting closer and closer. Fuck this shit. I'd had enough for the night.

"Hey, it's alright-"

I turned then, angry at the position he'd put me in. Angry that he was so fuckin stupid.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

His leg was in my stomach then, the bastard kneeing me without so much as a warning. I fell to the ground and felt the pangs of his foot in my side, the fucker kicking me while I was down. The pain ripped through my body and fell into my dark place, residing there and willing me to fight back.

He didn't want me to get to that place. No one did. _Just ask Doctor Foster._

"Fucking keep your mouth shut!"

She pulled him off me then and I turned to my side, the pain of the assault suffocating my entire body. The ground felt cool beneath me and I focused on that, the tears of Charlie begging him to leave sounding off in a far off distance I couldn't give two fucks about.

"Better keep your mouth shut, bitch," Jason threatened, although the fear in his voice wasn't entirely masked by the anger he tried to exude. "Or you're my fucking bitch, you get me?"

I kept my head down, forcing the rage that welled inside me to subside. I focused on the pain instead, drawing my mind to the feelings in my body and away from the thoughts in my head. I could feel the blood tricking down the side of my head and the sting gave me the relief I needed, the final boot in my side sending me to the ground again as he laid one last shot in before exiting down the road. I breathed out slightly, rolling to my back and stretching my arms out to the side. I would not go there. I would not let him beat the anger into me.

Bad things happened when Cookie got angry.

I pulled myself up slowly, focusing on my breathing and trying my best not to feel any more pain than what my body was already enduring. It was a hard task, the stabs and bolts of pain shooting through my body from the multiple places he had struck.

 _Fucking bastard._

I groaned and got myself on the path, sliding backwards and feeling the cold, hard cement below. I came to rest on the brick wall behind me, spitting out the blood that pooled from my busted lip and hearing Emma's cries of shock as she raced toward me from god knows where.

"Cook!"

Dragging me to my feet, I felt the comfort of her hold as she pulled me down the street and into a waiting cab. A cold bottle hit my lips and I drank, the water sinking down into my body and slowing down the thought process that raged in my head. Within minutes it seemed we were in her bedroom, her slight hand delicately attending to the cut that was on my head. I closed my eyes and let her do it, too tired to fight it or anything else that night.

"Why're you lying to me?" I couldn't look at her, my mind whirling with the excuse I needed to keep her out of this. It wasn't her world, she didn't belong in it. "Tell me what's going on."

"It's, nothing babe." I shook my head slightly as I spoke, refusing to look at her. I was told once that your eyes always gave you away, that they were some door into your soul or some shit. For whatever reason, those words had stuck with me and I kinda lived by 'em.

"Are you in trouble?" She was relentless and I knew she wouldn't stop until I could give her an answer she would be happy with. The problem was, I didn't have one. I didn't have an answer that would make her stop asking and I didn't have the strength in that moment to think of a decent excuse that could buy me some time.

"Nothing I can't handle." I turned and looked at her then, my eyes fluttering from her to the bedsheets that lay below us. I could feel her tenseness, unable to shield myself from it.

"It don't look like ya handlin' it that well." I saw it then, the fear in her eyes. The concern she felt for me. She was wasting her time. She was too _good_.

"What do ya want me to say to you, eh?"

Anger flooded her face then and her lips twitched slightly as she tried her best to keep her feelings inside. I could see her struggle and it was good. It was good for her to be mad at me. It was safer for everyone this way. She pulled her eyes away from me suddenly and turned to look beside her, her words echoing throughout the room as she moved.

"Let's get out of here."

"Hmm?" Her words surprised me and I was unprepared, instead mentally getting ready for the fight and inevitable break up that always came when I couldn't give a girl what she wanted. She smiled and shook her head, her eyes suddenly alive with whatever thought was flowing through her mind.

"Let's just go. You got money, right?"

I smiled slightly at her sudden about-face, nodding my head gently as I tried to keep the stinging pain at bay.

"Let's just get in ya car and fucking drive," she began, my eyes trailing up and down her body as she spoke to me with excitement. It resonated within me, the thrill of doing something completely out of left field. It was right up my alley and something told me she knew that. She was better at reading m than I thought.

"Where?"

She shook her head at my question, racking her brain for an answer whilst battling the energy that was threatening to take over her entire body. "Anywhere! Anywhere – let's get out of this shithole!"

"Yeah," I nodded towards her, my agreeance easily won over. After the night I'd had, running seemed like the perfect solution. It had done me well in the past. "Okay."

"Okay?" she replied, a question rather than an agreeance. She was surprised and I could see it I her eyes, clearly not believing that I would agree with her request.

"Yeah, let's do it right now," I answered her, determination sweeping over my face. She smiled as the phone buzzed beside me, the ringing filling the space between us as I reached and pulled it from my pocket.

"Okay," she laughed, distracted slightly as I looked down at the number I didn't recognize, turning my attention briefly to her before answering the phone. I pursed my lips together and spoke, my heart racing a little as I prepared myself for what was no doubt another threat to keep my mouth shut. It wouldn't matter much anyway, I'd be out of there soon enough.

"Cook?"

Her voice was like a knife to the heart and I could feel my breath catch in my throat. I stayed silent, feeling the bed move beside me as Emma got up and walked towards the cupboard, a suitcase out and on the floor as I heard the breaths of the long lost voice on the end of the line.

"Cook? Is that you?"

I turned and looked at Emma, clothes falling into the suitcase as she looked up and smiled at me, completely unaware of the raging voices within my head. Completely unaware of the raging beating of my heart. My mind whirled, the sound of her voice so long ago heard but never since forgotten. She haunted my dreams, she haunted my thoughts. She was every bit the one who made me want to annihilate myself whilst all the while try to be the best man that I could be.

She crushed me. She ruined me. She lived in me.

"Yeah," I replied, a sigh escaping my lips as I turned away from Emma and looked out the small window that displayed the city now cloaked in a thick black coat of night. It was all I could do to stop myself from jumping out of it.

"Yeah, it's me _Princess._ "

 **x~X~x**

 **AN:** Thanks to the people who reviewed, I really appreciate it xo


	3. Resurrecting Our Ghosts

**AN:** _Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad there are still Skins fans out there._

 _The bold flashback scene is from Skins Series 4, Episode 8 .I do not own the rights to the dialogue nor the scene, I've merely described it for the purpose of this story._

 _Enjoy._

 **Intersection**

" _Every doorway, every intersection, has a story."_

Katherine Dunn

 **~x-X-x~**

 **Chapter 3: Resurrecting Our Ghosts**

 **Cook**

" _I don't know a fucking thing about ya!_

 _Who the hell are ya?_

 _Where did ya come from?_

 _Tell me!"_

The rain beat down on the windscreen of the car, flickering across the glass in branches of desperation. They lit up from the lights of the streets outside and I gazed ahead as motionless as the night before me. I could still hear Emma's voice in my head as she yelled at me, begging me for some kind of truth that she was clearly longing for.

I couldn't give it. There was too much to tell.

" _No."_

" _Get the fuck out then."_

So I did. I got up, I pulled my shirt up over my wounded body and I trudged towards the door, not a sound coming from her as she watched me leave. I couldn't blame her, not really. She was too good, in every sense of the word, and I was simply wasn't. I was every bit as shit as the day I was born. _Pure shit_ , I once told Freds. She deserved better than that.

She deserved better than me and Effy and our fucked up universe.

I pulled up alongside the curb and shut the rumbling engine off. The rain danced on the rooftop in consistent beats and I sank back into my chair slightly, enjoying their hypnotic and predictable rhythm. Small puffs of mist expelled from my lips as I rubbed my hands together for warmth. I remembered how Effy liked the cold for some reason and so I automatically turned the heater off. It was weird, the stupid little things that smeared their mark across your memory. Glancing around I could see little of the street that I was in but it was a sure sight better than where I was living. The houses were all dark, standing tall and squished together like tall soldiers in true London fashion. It took a few minutes before the door opened and she slid into my car, hair tangled slightly from the effects of the rain.

"You rang?"

She didn't look at me, choosing ahead to stare straight ahead into the darkened, empty night. It kinda suited us, really. Pathetic as we were. I didn't even bother to ask how she got my number. No doubt JJ had somehow been involved. He was the only one who refused to let me go.

"Explain it," she breathed out the words in a hushed whisper, sliding a cigarette into her mouth and flicking the lighter. The glow of the flame illuminated her face and she turned towards me, exhaling a long line of smoke from the corner of her mouth before speaking again. "Explain it all."

"Effs-"

"-Did you see him?" she cut me off, not waiting for me to deny her request. She glared at me, as cold and sober as the moment she had told me she didn't want me anymore. My stomach churned slightly from the memory. "Did you see Freddie? That night?"

Of course it was going to come back to that. _To Freddie._ That fucking boy was the love of both our lives. He was going to be the death of us both, too.

"Nah."

I shook my head and slid back further still into the chair, pulling out my own packet of smokes and bringing one to my lips. She held out a light and I leaned in, inhaling deeply on the end as the familiar red glow lit up at the tip of my vision. The familiarity permeated the tense air between us and mixed us up further still.

"But you knew what had happened? You knew what Doctor Foster did?"

" _ **What have you done?"**_

 _ **He laughed at my question like I was some moron. Perhaps to him I was. A moron who wasn't going to relent. A moron who was pushed by the anger inside me that I didn't care what would happen next. I didn't care that he stood before me, armed with a bat. All I cared about were the bloodied and stained shoes wrapped in plastic that belonged to my best mate.**_

" _ **Don't be stupid, Cook. She told me all about you too. There was much to correct in that girl. I almost managed it. Perhaps I still can?"**_

 _ **The anger hit me then as sudden as the realization of what had gone down in the house I was standing in. The noise from outside disappeared, the silence and stillness between us marred by the growing tension that burned within me. My fists clenched automatically, a sure sign shit was about to go down and there would be no turning back from it.**_

 _ **Freddie was my best mate. Freddie was my best-fucking-mate.**_

" _ **You… you did something to my friend?" Every syllable dripped with the venom I felt for Doctor Foster in that moment. I glared at him, unrelenting. This fucker had no idea about me no matter how many stories he pulled from Effy's damaged and fragile mind.**_

" _ **This is wasting time." He barely acknowledged my question, a tiny smirk edging its way to the corner of his rotten lips. It infuriated me even more. "Would you kneel down please?"**_

 _ **I looked him up and down in disgust. "Mr. Foster-"**_

" _ **-Doctor Foster, actually." He corrected me, the arrogance oozing from him as his own anger began to seep through and flicker in the corners of his eyes. The madness in his eyes was as apparent as the day. "Kneel down please."**_

 _ **I shook my head. Not even my own fucking mother could tell me what to do and I had promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn't live on my knees anymore. This prick wasn't going to get that out of me, not in a million fucking years.**_

 _ **That's when the pain exploded in my stomach.**_

 _ **It jolted through my body as the end of the sturdy, wooden baseball bat connected with my gut. I let out a low breath of pain, my body stumbling backwards from the blow and crashing into some boxes behind me. I managed to stay on my feet and the look in his eyes made it clear he was annoyed that he hadn't hit me harder. Rookie mistake. The thought made me chuckle, my head shaking from side to side as I rejected his request and spat my reply, laced entirely with venom.**_

" _ **I don't think you know what I am, mate."**_

" _ **I think I do." He leaned his head down closer so that I could see the full effect of his greying eyes. "You're nothing. You don't deserve that girl and you know… I do."**_

 _ **It hit me then, just exactly what I was dealing with. A total fucking psychopath. This fucker was so obsessed with one girl that he'd killed my friend just to keep her. That he'd taken away my best mate just to clear the path from himself. The rage burned inside me, swelling to the point where I knew there was no return. I felt it before on the night I had beat up the kid at the party, when I had seen Effy and Freds together. This Foster prick had no fucking idea.**_

 _ **I was going to educate him. Me and my rage. We were going to show him that Effy only knew the slightly less dark places in my mind, because she, Freddie and JJ brought out the light within me and without them, well – there was only darkness left.**_

 _ **I saw him then. Every ounce of pathetic psychosis that he was. Every piece of nothingness that he claimed me to be. There was only room for one of us.**_

" _ **I'm a fucking waste of space. I'm just a stupid kid. I got no sense. I'm a criminal. I'm no fucking use, mate. I am nothing." I glared at him, unwavering and unflinching. This was for Freddie. This was for Effy. This was for our fucked up triangle. " So please," I poked my finger up at his head, motioning towards his brain. "Please get into your, ya know, into ya bonce," his eyes dropped then and for the first time I saw a hint of fear flash across his eyes. He should be fucking scared. He should feel every ounce of fear that Freddie felt the moment he attacked him.**_

 _ **He would feel it all, ten-fold. Fucking cunt.**_

" _ **That you killed my friend and…" I raised my shoulders, as if what I was about to say was the most obvious fact in the world and he should have known better. "I'm Cook." He looked at me and all I could see was his death. My next words were screamed out in loathing and intent.**_

" _ **I'M COOK!"**_

Just like that the memory disappeared and I was back in the car again, back to my present life of nothing. Effy looked at me expectantly, wanting for an answer to her question.

"Yeah."

"How?" What did it matter? Wasn't knowing that I knew enough for her? Besdies, how would she feel if she knew the truth? That I was a killer just like her lovely Doctor Foster.

"It doesn't matter, Effs-"

"-It does matter, it matters to me." She turned and looked at me, her cigarette burning down as it hung between her slightly-trembling fingers. "I need to not be so monumentally fucked up about this."

 _Didn't we all?_

"Yeah well," I replied, not wanting to be taking trips down memory lane. Not when I knew the answers would probably fuck her up even more. "The past is the past. We all just need to move on from it."

"Please, Cook," she begged then, an unfamiliar tone in her voice that I hadn't heard since the day she visited me in prison and told me to own my mistakes. She was stronger than me, she always had been. She couldn't survive this and I wouldn't survive her hate. Not when it had taken me so fucking long to try and exist again. Not live, just exist. It was enough for me.

"Please just tell me what happened to Freddie."

"You got the police report," I answered, turning my eyes away from her and looking out at the darkened night before us. Fog started to kiss the corners of the windscreen from our heat. "You know what happened to Freds."

"What happened to Doctor Foster then?"

"I'm not talking about that."

She knew me. She knew me better than I knew myself most days. I inhaled deeply, my fists clenching together as I tried to push the anger out of my body. She must have noticed the move. She knew all she needed to do was push and I would snap.

So push she did.

"Tell me," she reached out and shoved me then, her tiny ineffectual hands hitting harder than I'd expected. After the bollocking I'd gotten earlier that night, it was the last thing I needed. "Just fucking say it."

"I'm not talking about that," I repeated again, trying my best to keep the raging feelings buried deep. I could feel them there, simmering away. _Bubbling._ _ **Boiling**_ _._ I couldn't reach that point again. I couldn't be that person again. I'd lost everything because of that person. He was the reason my life was spent on the run and he wasn't going to ruin any more pieces of my already fractured life.

 _He was my fucking Jekyll or whatever, man._

"You killed him, didn't you?"

"Effs-"

"-That's what you meant," she sobbed one brief sob, tears springing to her eyes as she begged me to relent. "When you said you avenged him. You meant you killed Foster because of what he did to Freds."

I turned to look at her and it was as if I had gone back in time, Effy fragile and broken as she waited for Freddie to come back to the shed. I couldn't stand it. The tears she cried, the loneliness she felt. _The pain that consumed her_. How much worse it would have been if she had known the reason behind it. That Foster was a fucking nut-job with an obsession for her that had driven him to kill the best thing about both of us. My life was never going to be the same again because of that demented bastard. But Effy had survived. She had managed to pull herself together and move on. Just like I had tried to. _Just like I was still trying to_. It was a fucking fight every fucking day but I was doing it. She had no idea just how hard that had been all by myself, with only the memory of my dead friend sitting on my fucking shoulder, watching me.

 _Haunting me_.

Perhaps he was watching us now?

"I have to go," I replied, a chill sliding over my body as the thought of Freddie made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on their ends. Effy sniffled beside me as she recomposed herself. I couldn't let her suffer any more than she already had. One of us had to survive this shitty life and if I had a choice about who that would be, I'd pick her every fucking time. "I've got work shit to get sorted."

"Yeah," she breathed angrily, clearly disappointed that I was unrelenting in her quest to get the truth about that night. She wiped at her eyes and she looked out over the darkened street before her, silently seething. It was evident in the sound of her voice as she spoke. "I've got Naomi shit."

"Yeah well, say hi for me," I replied nonchalantly, a pang filling my chest at the mention of another familiar person from my past. Naomi was perhaps one of the very few people who understood my flaws and liked me anyway. To think she was just inside that apartment building. _Shit._ They were all better off without me. Effy turned and looked me dead in the eye, the anger shooting at me from the darkened irises that used to enrapture me.

"Fuck off, Cook."

Without another word Effy pushed the car door open and slammed it shut behind her, her arms wrapping around her frail body as she made her way angrily up the front steps and into her building. I reached out and slammed my hand into the steering wheel, my wrist jolting slightly from the impact.

"Ow, shit."

My phone rang again, the bastard thing choosing the most inopportune times to call out to me tonight. Shaking my wrist slightly as if somehow that would stop the throbbing, I glanced down at the number and pulled the phone to my ear. A familiar voice echoed down the receiver as I remained quiet.

"I want to see you. Mulligan street. On the corner."

As quickly as she had spoken the line clicked dead.

 **~x-X-x~**

 **Effy**

The early morning light streamed through my bedroom window and I stared at it, my eyes having never closed since the night before. It had only been a few hours since Cook sat in a ratchet car and told me nothing. I hid the tears in my pillow and forced myself to become as stoic as I could, like somehow if I didn't manage to do that my entire mind might fall apart again and I couldn't afford that. Not now. Not after clawing my way back out of the darkness and finally coming up for air.

The alarm beeped beside me and I turned my gaze towards it, the illumination of the 5am numbers coming into sight. I dragged my body out of bed and walked towards the cupboard, pulling out a couple of numbers that I needed for that night. Falling into the shower I allowed the heat and steam and water to drive out any thoughts of Cook and our talk. I couldn't handle any more of that shit. Not today.

Not on a day when my boss had finally started to notice me and asked me to entertain some business associates that were important. I wanted to prove them all wrong – that I could do this job. That somehow, no matter what shit had happened in my past, I could recover from it.

I wanted to be normal. _I wanted to be me._

Naomi's voice filtered through the air as I wrapped a towel around my hair, threw on some clothes and made my way out into the living room, a thin air of smoke surrounding her as she puffed away on the cigarette in her right hand and swore under her breath.

"This one or this one?"

My question made her turn around, a blank look enveloping her features as she looked at me.

"What?"

"Which dress?"

I held up a blue and a pink option but I could already tell by the look on her face she couldn't care less which one I chose. In fact, she was more than a little bit pissed off this morning.

"I'm trying to work here."

I couldn't remember the last time Naomi worked let alone seemed so tense. She had prided herself on being the level-headed, easy-going one of our duo and to have her take on her opposite role was a little surreal.

"Work?" I knew my tone come out more surprised than approving and she noticed it, immediately on the defensive. She was so annoyed and it seemed to be directed at me, although I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. It was exactly what I didn't need today.

"Yes. It's my fist gig tonight and you're supposed to be coming." I looked away to the side, avoiding her face. Damn it. _How the fuck did I forget that?_ "You're supposed to be coming to the doctors today too, but hey…"

Okay, so she had every right to be annoyed with me. She turned on her side and avoided my eyes, pulling the cigarette to her lips and blowing it out in a huff. I walked towards her, knowing full well she deserved an apology for my complete lack of memory. I knew it was important to her and I wanted to support her. I wanted to be there for her. Lord knows, she had been there for me. But how the hell could I do that and make tonight work with the clients?

"I'm sorry. It's a work thing." She turned and looked at me, the annoyance leaving her eyes ever-so-slightly. She had always been far too easy on me. Probably because she had seen me at my absolute worst and the only step beyond that would have been death.

"If you say so."

I could already tell by her tone that although she was annoyed, Naomi was already forgiving me. She had become the sister I never had. She had become my Tony. I leaned in and kissed her on her cheek, the softness of her skin lingering on my lips and making me appreciate her even more. She let out a breath as I turned around and began to walk away.

"I've got to go."

I could hear her rehearsing once more as I left the house and made my way to work, the chill of the London air engulfing me as I strode to work. The atmosphere felt different this time though, people whispering behind me as I made my way to my desk and sat down. I could practically hear their thoughts as they gazed at me, wondering how I had managed to pull off such a great deal. By lunchtime things had managed to calm down and I felt the tension within me begin to fade, replaced by the sheer drive to succeed.

" _ **Freddie…"**_

" _ **The bad memories about me, you don't like – you don't feel them anymore?"**_

" _ **No, they're gone. He took them away. And do you know what's left? Love. All I feel for you now is love. Nothing else."**_

I pushed his voice from my mind, the memory of us in his bedroom threatening to invade my mind once more. I turned my attention to work and stared ahead at my computer screen, willing it to give me something to do. It helped to have something to focus on. To have something to push Cook and Freddie and every fucked up thought and feeling I had attached to them from my mind and my body. I would conquer this and I would succeed.

I had no choice. My fucking sanity depended on it.

By the time the evening arrived I had managed to pull my way through the day and slide into the tightest dress I could find. Walking towards the office entrance I could see Jake standing out the front, smoking on a cigarette and admiring my view as I strode up to him. Every part of me wanted to be healed from the disaster of my past and he seemed like a decent amount of glue.

Correction. He was the only glue I knew I could control.

"Wow. I do like this."

I channeled my inner coy, forgetting how long it had been since I had called upon my epic prowess. It was like riding a bike.

"Makes you look older."

"Oh well thanks," I replied, his laugh causing the smoke he had inhaled to kiss the cold night air. My obvious sarcasm at his reply caused him to backtrack and clear up the remark within seconds. He was far too easy.

"No I mean you," his eyes trailed up and down my body, appreciating what was before him. He wasn't the first to do this and a familiar feeling of deja vu washed over me. "You look good."

I tilted my head to the side, my faux-innocent tone purring from my lips. "Are you here to babysit me? Haven't you got somewhere else to be?"

He stumbled then, clearly surprised by my total lack of need for him. It must have been foreign territory and it was exactly what I needed in order to get him where I wanted him. Where I needed him to be.

"I do," he replied, looking at me as if trying to decipher me. Someone should have told him what an impossible task that would be. "He needs to see me. Otherwise he's going to try and roll all over you."

Somehow I doubted very much that was what Jake was thinking. Still I could tell he needed me to be the naive girl who needed to be taught what to do. He got off on the power and I needed the distraction.

"You make it sound like I'm going into a war zone."

"Money is war." He stared at me then with an intensity and curiosity I hadn't seen before. It intrigued me.

"I get it." I looked at him, refusing to let my eyes waiver.

"Good." He stepped towards me then, staring at me as he did so. His eyes never left mine and cocky smile curved its way to the corners of his mouth. "He needs to think he's winning."

"When in fact," I replied, my tone soft and alluring as my eyes bore down into his, the smoke from his cigarette dancing between us. "You are." I smiled at him then, obvious in my attempts to flirt. He responded, remaining stoic as he looked down at me, deciphering me.

"Am I?"

Our eyes lingered on one-another for a brief moment and then his lips were on mine, his hand sliding to the small of my back as I felt his warmth. It had been so long since I had felt the taste of another man on my lips and before I could stop myself Freddie flashed into my mind, burning me with a vision so bright I could feel my heart restrict within my chest.

" _ **All I feel for you now is love."**_

I pulled away from Jake's lips and stepped backwards, trying my best to maintain the allure that I had needed him to feel.

"Easy boss."

I turned away from him then, my heels clinking on the cement below as I led him down the stairs and towards our awaiting possible investor. He was easy to spot at the bar, his hair so gelled and slicked-back I could tell within seconds he was going to be an easy target. He tried too hard. Walking up beside him I smiled and stood between him and his guest, Jake sidling up behind me as I made my introductions.

"Mr Stibbard. You know Jake Abassi?"

"Call me Max, for fuck's sake." He stood from his chair and leaned in for a kiss, the liquor oozing from every part of his skin. He turned and looked at Jake, his hand outstretched. "Jake, how are you doing?"

"Max," came the respectful reply, Jake taking his hand and shaking it within his own.

"You know my associate, Freddie?" Max asked, Jake turning his head towards the young man seated at the bar. The mention of the name brought my heart to a stop and I pursed my lips, trying desperately to not give anything away.

"Yes, I've heard of you."

"Too bloody right you have!" Freddie replied, eyeing me with his drunken stupor and smart mouth. "How come all of Jake's traders are hot? All of ours look like diseased hamsters."

I smiled and turned my head to the side, every ounce of my being working itself into the ground to avoid punching him in the face. Clearly, Jake wasn't impressed.

"Well, on that appetizing note, I have a dinner appointment. I'll leave you to it." His eyes bounced between mine and Max's for a brief moment and thenhe turned on his heel and walked away, a final warning towards his client before turning to look back at me and disappearing into the bar's crowd.

"Be nice Max."

"Oh, you can rely on it."

I watched him go with the tiniest smile on my lips. So far, so good. Now to just survive the night. I turned my attention back towards Max and took the lead, his eyes traipsing over my body as I spoke.

"So, how do you two gentlemen feel about comedy?"

Within fifteen minutes we were seated at a tiny, square wooden table in green, dimly-lit club surrounded by laughter, cheers and booze. Standing on the side of the stage stood Naomi, a small smile dancing across her lips as she was introduced and made her way up onto the stage.

"Is this your friend?" Freddie asked, a tiny proud smile and nod signaling to him that she was. To my surprise he clapped and cheered, Naomi coming to the microphone and fixing her skirt. I could see the nerves permeating her body and smiled at her with encouragement.

"So," she announced, her hands pulling her hair away from her eyes and ten settling nervously at her sides. "Who here is from London?"

The crowd remained silent, watching her and waiting. I could feel my chest ache from watching her, willing it to get better.

"No one? Oh good. Um… now I don't have to pretend to fucking like it here." I watched pained as she stumbled on the words, trying desperately to curb her fear. "I'm new to London. I uh, moved here with my girlfriend…"

" _Fucking dyke."_

A member of the crowd broke through the silence with the insult, causing a few around us to laugh. I kept silent, turning to look at Naomi ad hoping that in some way it helped.

"Um, yeah I am, actually." She looked down at the floor as her voice dropped off. "So um," she began again, forcing herself to continue. "No one actually tells you what it's like to live here, do they?"

I hung my head the minute she started her Boris bikes joke. It didn't take long for someone to call her shit and then Naomi was on full defensive mode, booed off the stage within a matter of minutes and spending the night eyeballing me as I canoodled with max and tried my hardest to ensure my possible investors were having a good time. I ignored her eyes as much as I could. I ignored the way she looked down on the entire situation. How could she understand how much I needed this when she had no idea what a raging inside my mind?

Why couldn't I just tell her? I couldn't explain it, even to myself.

She wasn't going to let me. Standing up from the table, Naomi pulled at my arm and dragged me away from the betting scene, her eyes determined and disgusted as she looked at me.

"What the fuck is this, Eff?"

And there it was. The judgement I had been running from all night.

"What's wrong with you now?"

"Why is he touching you?"

I couldn't explain it to her in any way that she would understand. I needed this distraction. I needed it.

"They're big investors, Naomi."

"That's fucked," she announced, her emotions clearly getting the best of her as she stared at me. "Please tell me you ca see that."

I could. I could absolutely see that and the truth was, I preferred seeing that than seeing Freddie or Cook's face everywhere I went.

"Go home, Naomi."

I knew I was shutting her out. I knew it wasn't fair. I knew she was right. But I needed this. My god, how I fucking needed this.

"I need to talk to you. I have to go somewhere-"

"-Not now," I interrupted her, unable to hear any more of it tonight. "I'm busy."

"They're disgusting," she pushed further still, trying desperately to get me to come home with her. "Why can't you see how disgusting they are?"

And then I cracked. Couldn't take it. Not the sound of her voice, not the sound of Cook's and not the sound of Freddie's. They all just needed to leave me alone. Reaching out my hands I pushed her backwards, a look of shock covering her face as she stumbled back and watched me with shock and hurt.

"Go home, Naomi!"

She stopped and stared at me, pulling at the brunette lock of hair that had pushed its way to the side of her mouth. She let out a breath of surprise and allowed her look to linger, knowing that in that moment I had gone beyond the point of no return. I knew it too – I was just too scared to allow myself to feel it.

"Go," I ordered her again, the men at the table calling out to me to get back over there and play the game. And this was all it as right now, a game. A game I needed to win for the sake of my own sanity, even if Naomi didn't understand. She threw her hands in the air in resignation and turned away from me, throwing back a look if disappointment in my direction before exiting the casino. It hurt, seeing her watch me that way but I turned on my heels and plastered a fake smile across my features, determined to get what I had come here for.

And not stopping until I had.

 _I was Effy Fucking Stonem, after all._

 **~x-X-x~**

 **AN:** Thanks for the reviews. Please let me know what you think of the update.


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